Gossip Girl Episode 15 "Desperately Seeking Serena" - A Review - by F

This episode was...ok. Definitely not one of the highlights of the season so far, for me anyways. I was just expecting much, much more, and the episode, sadly, did not deliver. I'm gonna start with the not so great things, and then describe what I liked, thus ending on a positive note, which I think is more pleasant for all involved.

Less than awesome things:

1. Georgina "Georgie" Sparks. Yes, the mysterious 'G' - that left Serena all those notes and 'presents', and whose upcoming arrival rather worryingly seemed to have left Chuck a tad spooked at the end of the previous episode - is revealed. Let me begin by saying that I am not a fan of Michelle Trachtenberg as an actress. However, I felt she did a pretty decent job as Georgina. My problem? I just wasn't scared or intimidated by Georgina and I think it may have been due to the script more than Trachtenberg. She does do some 'disagreeable' things during the course of the episode; for example she spikes Serena's soda knowing full well that Serena's sitting her SATs the next day, and at the end of the episode 'happens upon' a newly broken-hearted Dan under pseudonym of Sarah. (Sorry, just to make it clear it's Georgina who's going under the guise of Sarah, not Dan.) And judging by the look on G's face, I don't think she's planning on taking Dan to Starbucks where they can discuss Wittgenstein over a cup of coffee.

Also G has a drug dealer on speed dial and they're on first name terms. Add to this the constant references to her alcoholism, drug-taking, hardcore partying and general bad behaviour and it seems that G is pretty badass - except that she's not, which is the crux of the problem. Plus, before G 'stumbles upon' Dan there is a confrontation scene between Serena and G where it is revealed that G in fact has something on Serena. Something that could get both of them in very, very serious trouble indeed. There has been much discussion about what this could possibly be with some suggesting that they were involved with a drug-induced death, whilst others say that perhaps Serena was involved in the making of a sex tape. I don't think the latter is correct because *caution; possible spoiler ahead* apparently G uses what she has on Serena in order to co-erce her into making a sex-tape in one of the upcoming episodes. Is this true? Only time will tell I'm afraid. Until then I encourage patience and restraint.

2. Jenny & Asher 'the dog walker'. Don't get me wrong I thought Asher was sweet and all, but I just didn't find him hot in any way. Also, did he remind anyone else of Perez Hilton? But, my real problem is Jenny, again. She's just so rude to Rufus, and he's so hot, which makes her rudeness and disobedience even worse, intolerable even. At one point she's complains about not wanting her friends to see her with Rufus. If he was my dad I'd go everywhere with him because I'd fancy...well I guess I wouldn't if he was my dad cos that kind of thing is wrong, but he's not so I guess it's ok. I'll move on...

3. Serena. I like Serena, but for most of this episode I thought she acted like a class A moron. I shall explain myself. Whenever she saw Dan instead of acting cool and collected, she was all shifty and agitated, not to mention unbelievably suspicious. The only way she could conceivably have looked even more suspicious was if she wore a grey trench coat with matching hat and black sunglasses, carrying a big, black briefcase and sat down next to guys at Central Park asking them in a Russian accent, "Are you GreySquirrel. I have the information. Do you have the code word?". Half the time she couldn't even think of an excuse/lie for Dan, and when she did she should've just kept her mouth shut. Which leads me neatly onto my next point. Throughout the episode Chuck covers for Serena - more than once I would like to add - which he doesn't really have any obligation to do, after all she got him thrown out of the Bass-van der Woodsen household for something he didn't do because of her incessant whining and the fact that she needs to lighten up. Furthermore, Chuck carries out a background check on G for Serena, and pays a girl to sit the SATs in Serena's place when Serena neglects to turn up. And what does he get in return? You would expect a simple 'thankyou' or maybe a kiss on the cheek. But no, instead he gets a tutting and ungrateful Serena. E.g.:

"Serena: Chuck what did you do? I told you to keep the doors open, when I got there they were closed.

Chuck: Yeah. They don't keep the doors open. I was thinking on my feet, just trying to help.

Serena rolls her eyes and turns away from Chuck."

I mean how effing ungrateful. Chuck has quite possibly saved her chances of getting into a prestigious University, all be it by getting another girl to sit her SATs for her, and this is how Serena reacts? S is just asking for me to start hating her.

4. WHERE THE HELL WAS WALDASS? We've all seen the picture from the promos, and in this episode they were wearing the outfits as shown:

But where was the long awaited Waldass action? Or Waldass-tion - note to self; never use again, sounds dodgy. I miss it so much. Some people have suggested that the image was released simply as a publicity stunt because the producers of Gossip Girl are fully aware of the fact that Chuck and Blair are by far the most popular couple on the show and bring in the ratings. For example, Victor/Victrola was the episode with the highest ratings by far, and the others which featured Waldass action complete the list of other episodes with ratings abnormally high for Gossip Girl. Add to this the fact that the limo scene at the end of Victor/Victrola was on the top 10 most watched videos on youtube for weeks after the airing of the episode, and the power of Waldass is clear. However, if this were in fact simply a cheap publicity stunt then, so help me God, I will track down Josh Schwartz and strangle him with my scarf until he orders a rewrite. And I don't care if they've already filmed the rest of the season's episodes, they can damned well film them again. You can't just mess with people's minds like this Josh, it's not fair and I'm pretty sure there's a clause in the International Statute of Human Rights which states as much. Shame on all of you 'powers that be' at CWTV and Gossip Girl inc. Shame on you...

The awesome things:

1. Nelly Yuki. The name just cracks me up. I can't explain it, it's just so funny, not to mention outrageously East Asian. But who the hell is Nelly Yuki? She's Blair's biggest competition vis. getting into Yale, and Blair is not happy, especially with the SATs coming up. Thus, Blair recruits her bitch brigade with the aim of Nelly Yuki's complete mental annihilation, and in return for their support and help the BB girls receive a trip to the spa, massages, tutors, facials...etc all courtesy of the Waldorf estate. Poor Nelly Yuki, she's the archetypal Asian nerd. And what made the whole Nelly Yuki thing more awesome for me was that at my first lecture of the morning - neuro - I realised that there was in fact a 'Nelly Yuki' in the lecture theatre, complete with over sized spectacles. Truly awesome.

2. Duck = Dan and Chuck. Doesn't work? How about Chan? No, we don't want people mistaking Chan for Nelly Yuki's brother now do we? I shall have to think about this one. But my point is this: I am starting to love the whole Dan and Chuck dynamic. Here's the thing, I think Chuck has a twisted kind of respect for Dan, perhaps cos Dan's so unlike him, or because he realises Dan's clever, or perhaps because Bart Bass started off in a similar position to Dan, i.e. not loaded. I don't know. I may be completely wrong. I'm probably just reading way too far into it. I also think that although Dan has Chuck firmly placed in the 'effer' category, he also realises just how clever Chuck is. I think Chuck really is clever and witty, and I bet if he actually studied at school he would do pretty well. But instead Chuck chooses to use his talents for evil, mischief, manipulation and scheming - and that's why I love him. Their relationship is just so interesting and this whole scene made me laugh at loud, but please note that to truly appreciate its awesomeness you have to watch the scene:

"Dan answers the phone expecting it to be Serena calling.
Dan: Hey, I've been wondering where you were.
Chuck: You mean all of your life? (Haha)
Dan is surprised that it’s Chuck calling.
Dan: Er…uh. Don’t take this the wrong way Serena, but you sound just like this jackass we know.
Chuck: Serena has food poisoning. She’s too sick to come to your play date.
Dan: Put her on the phone.
Chuck: The bathroom doesn’t have reception.
Dan: So, now I don’t believe you.
Chuck: And I’d like to say I’m a little glad about that, but my poor sick sister has asked for my assistance in the matter, so I’ll leave it at this. She’s not coming. Don’t try calling. Humphrey, always a pleasure."

Classic.

3. Nate & Vanessa. Don't worry I'm not going to come up with another lame attempt to merge their names into one. My attempts so far have been less than successful, as you have all witnessed. Previously I stated that I was much pleased with the concept of Vanessa and Nate getting together - I thought that, as a result, I would like both characters much more. And I'm glad to report that, as per usual, I was 100% correct. Nate was hot and likeable, and everytime Vanessa was on the screen I didn't find myself having to control my evil right hand as it strove to scratch my eyes out. Just one suggestion for Nate though; I know you and Blair were together for-like-ever, so you've been out of the dating game for quite a while. But don't worry I'm here to help you. Tip#1: Where you take a girl on a date is very important. Now-a-days dating isn't about sending your girlfriend in to sit a SATs test. I know. The dating game is fickle, but so is love, Nathaniel.

4. Waldass? Look, I know I already said there was no Waldass action - and there wasn't - but there was a 'moment' between the two of them, and Goddamn you could feel the sexual tension. And I liked it. More please.:

Mmmmm...sexual.

5. Charles Bass. As soon as the episode opened with the whole spiel on revision and exams I immediately wondered what Chuck was gonna do. He just doesn't seem the revising or stressing type. And I wasn't disappointed. In true Chuck style he cheated and got someone else to sit the exams for him, complete with fake identity. Who sat the test for him? This guy:

And for some reason the fact that it's a black guy, complete with grin, pretending to be THE Chuck Bass made it hilarious for me. It's probably something to do with Chuck being the epitome of the white, rich, spoilt, urban dandy. I don't know. But what I do know is that things could appear to become racist if I keep writing. I'd just liked to clarify that I am not a racist, myself being of mixed ethnicity.

6. Serena-gate. I loved how at the end of the episode Chuck surmises, correctly, that G has something on S. He can read people. You know who else can read people? Blair. For example, she almost immediately realises that that the mayhem at the Debutante Ball in episode 10 (Hi! Society) is due to Chuck's scheming, and realises when Chuck has developed a bit of a crush on her. Yet another reason why Blair and Chuck NEED TO GET TOGETHER.

7. Penn Badgley. Just a quick note to say I was very impressed by Penn's acting in his last scene with Serena. Give yourself a pat on the back Penn. Bravo. If you keep it up like this you might make it onto my best GG actors list, and you know you want to. xoxo.

Random GG stuff:

1. Yes, you guessed it. It's the round-up of Chuck's outfits from the episode. Having perused a few discussion boards I couldn't help but notice that a minority of people are suggesting that Chuck's outfits are becoming increasingly too outrageous, bold and bright. What is wrong with you people? HE'S CHUCK BASS - his outfits reflect his character, and if you don't get that...look I don't want to become abusive so I'll stop. Just look and admire:

The future's bright, the future's incredibly...

Apparently there are dress rehearsals for a production of 'The Nutcracker' on the Upper East Side. And guess who's starring as the lead...
The colour palette for this outfit appears to have come straight from the Teletubbies. I love it. Chuck looks like he's off to the PGA tour; the homosexual edition of course:

Chuck goes casual, and I go weak at the knees. He looks super-hot, and please note that there's his usual touch of pink, and his top matches his socks. His colour coordination skills astound me. I honestly think I'm in love:

2. Maybe this point should have been made in the 1st section of this review. But something about the post-writer's strike Gossip Girl feels different to the pre-strike GG - and I'm not sure if I like it. Nor am I sure as to exactly what it is that has changed. I can't seem to put my finger on it. But first a few notable differences that I have picked up on. The emphasis on the group as a whole has shifted. The show has always consisted of an ensemble cast, but certain characters, i.e. Serena, Dan, Blair...etc, got far more screen time than the others. But now the relative screen times seem to have 'balanced out' to a certain extent. Furthermore, characters that were fairly minor before, have become integral to many of the storylines, the best example being Blair's minions. Another observation is that a large proportion of the scenes now arise at St Jude's/Constance Billard school. As for the other stuff that has changed; don't worry I'm on the case.

3. The Tv ratings for GG have never been great. Does this mean people don't watch the show? No. Lots of people watch the show, but they choose to watch it online - which of course doesn't count Nielsen ratings-wise. A lot of these people download it from itunes, where it is frequently at the no.1 most downloaded spot. Others download it illegally, but I think most of these people are not from the US. Add to this the CW's decisions to change the night that GG is on and to stop streaming on their website - in my opinion a v. naive move, but no-one at CW seems to be able to understand how to market the show on the internet - and now the ratings appear to be on the slide. Although the executives at CW and producers of the show have defended the show's low ratings explaining that a new ratings system is required that takes into account the influence of the internet, my fears have not been allayed, and I believe the decline of ratings is dangerous for the show. And yes, I am slightly worried.

4. I have noticed since being back at Uni that others of my age - that I know would genuinely enjoy the show - do not watch GG, nor do they ever wish to. As described in my first entry on this blog, I too was not interested and the only reason I began was because I caught an episode without fully realising what I was watching. Here are the problems; when you try to describe GG it sounds crap, even to me, and the title 'Gossip Girl' makes it sound like a programme for pre-pubescent girls. I don't really know what could have been done about this as the series is based on the 'Gossip Girl' books. However, what I do know is that people well above the age of 18 (18-50) watch the show, and yet the show seems to be marketed to those under the age of 18, and as I've said before, I'm not sure if anyone under the age of 16 should really watch GG. I just think that for all of GG's publicity, the reason it doesn't entice more people is because it is marketed to completely the wrong...market.

5. Please, someone tell me where I can purchase the Bass cardigan. I've been looking all week without success. I realise that my surname is Murray and not Bass, but what am I supposed to wear on my cardi? A mint? Here's a quick reminder of what the cardi covered in bass, as worn by Chuck BASS, looked like:

Wow. It's still got it.

6. Time for episode 15's awesome Chuck quotes:

"After Blair walks past glaring at Chuck.
She really needs to tone down on the social niceties. It's embarrassing."

"After Chuck tells Serena that according to his 'reliable' sources Georgina's not coming to town after all.
Now you can enjoy the gifts she mailed you with peace of mind and maybe...Chuck in the room."

"The offer still stands. I know a lovely little redhead that's just dying to be you for the day."

"Serena: I’m so stupid. So, so, so stupid.
Chuck: You don’t sound stupid, you sound drunk. What have you been into?
Serena: Georgina. Good news is she doesn’t want anything except to party. Bad news is, I partied.
Chuck: Care to paint a picture? Does this party require clothes?”

“Serena: Can you help me?
Chuck: Say you need me. Serena: Chuck!
Chuck: Hearing you scream my name is more than enough. I’ll take care of you and pick you up in ten.”

“Beautiful day you’re ruining, isn’t it?”

“Serena: Chuck you went too far.
Chuck: And so did you sis. Look I feel…foolish admitting it, but obviously I’ve come late to this party.
Serena: English, please.
Chuck: What’s Georgina got on you?
Serena: Chuck.
Chuck: Dan I understand. But what’s so bad you can’t even tell me?”

And I think I'll leave it there.

xoxo

PS: I think you've got the idea now.

Gossip Girl Episode 14 "The Blair Bitch Project"- A Review - by F

I realise that so far this blog has been dedicated to one subject - Gossip Girl (and in particular Chuck Bass). I assure you that this will change soon, hopefully.

So, did the new episode live up to my expectations? I'm not sure. I've just been building it up so much in my head, I really don't know what I was expecting. Explosions, perhaps a car chase through the streets of Manhattan involving Chuck and his limo, or maybe even Rufus turning to Chuck and saying, "Chuck, I AM YOUR FATHER!", whilst Chuck screams, "NOOOOoooooooooo...". These are just a few of the ridiculous scenarios I have been conjuring up over the past week. And 'ridiculous ***spoiler warning*** time', none of those things in fact happened on Monday night. I know, I know, I thought the whole Rufus-Chuck thing was a dead cert too, but apparently it's been done before.

Back to the 'actual' episode. I'll begin by discussing logistics. The soundtrack was perfect as always, especially when 'The Kills' chimed in with "Sour Cherry" at the end with the Blair/Jenny stand-off, leading to the final Chuck/Serena scene. This is an awesome song, and is the same track used for the OMG and OMFG GG promos that caused such a stir (if I have time I will discuss the promos @ the end). The pace of this episode is good - my attention was held throughout. One of my main complaints about previous episodes is probably the pacing; sometimes the pacing is pretty uneven going from segments where the show is fast moving and engaging, and then suddenly switching to segments where the show takes a long time to go virtually nowhere. Although, I have to admit that this has improved as the series has moved along, so perhaps the editing...etc of GG has been perfected.

Now to the characters. I'm starting with Jenny because in many ways this is her episode. Jenny is, simply put, a moron. For starters she trades a Valentino (worth $15,000) for a Dolce worth $1,200. Even the homeless dude and his dog that I walk past everyday on the way to lectures know that a custom Valentino is worth more than $1,200. Secondly, after everything's fallen apart for Jenny and she's explaining herself to Rufus, she says this:

“You think I’m ashamed of where I come from. No, Dad what I’m ashamed of is having to bring a brown bag lunch to school and, you know, eat it in the bathroom and then go out to lunch with my friends and pretend that I’m not hungry when I go to lunch with them.”

I'm confused. Please, someone explain to me how that's not being ashamed of where you come from. Either 1. Jenny is both nonsensical and a moron, or 2. I have missed something and am myself in fact a moron. I'm gonna go with option number 1.

Need another reason to hate Jenny; she's awful to Blair. I'm finding this part particularly difficult to write. Here's my problem. Blair is a bitch. She's done some awful things to people in the past - including Jenny - and in this episode continues to be a complete bitch to Jenny. But for some reason I find Blair's bitchiness excusable. Why? Perhaps because of insights into her mother's attitude, the situation with her father, her inherent loneliness and insecurity, and also the rare glimpses of kindness that we have in fact seen with Blair. Somehow, her family's status and problems allow the viewer to understand why she is how she is. We have seen her kindness towards Serena, Chuck, Nate and even Eric, and realise that perhaps she is a product of her environment. With Jenny, however, it is different. Putting aside a now absent mother, she appears to have grown up in a wholesome, caring and nurturing environment. Rufus is a doting father who has sent her to a school he can't really afford because he wants the best for her in life, and she has a loving and protective brother who acts as a pretty damned good role model - too damned good for my liking. And yet, she's an ungrateful and selfish effer. She just seems to be a bad egg. Maybe I'm being too harsh on her, after all she is just a TV character (there I said it).

As for Blair, aside from what I just said, there's not really much more to say. There's another dream/Breakfast at Tiffany's bit, but it doesn't really add anything to the episode. Also, I'm gonna skip over Dan, who basically acts like a sensitive and caring brother/boyfriend the whole episode (yawn), and move on to Nate. Nate seems like a nice, decent enough chap. He's not the sharpest tool in the box, and can be extremely hypocritical (I mean, he slept with Serena whilst he was still with Blair, but Blair's much worse for sleeping with Chuck after they had broken up - double standards much?), that said, he's a good guy and I thought it was pretty sweet how he looked out for Jenny. But for God's sake Nate, how can you not realise that Jenny is just using you at the end and did not in fact want you there just because she was feeling a little lonely. I guess it's not his fault, he's just an innocent, but stupid, civilian caught in someone else's battle. Also here's a little spoiler for the next episode that involves Nate, and I must say, finally a Nate I can get on board with:

http://spoilertv.blogspot.com/2008/04/gossip-girl-episode-115-desperately_23.html

Now to discuss Serena and ...Chuck! This seems apt as many of the best scenes of the episode feature the two of them together. As I stated in my previous entry, the Van der Basses = best TV family EVER! And they didn't disappoint. I loved every second of it. The opening with Chuck casually enjoying a spliff in Serena's bathroom, whilst Serena tries desperately to get Chuck out so she can shower IN HER OWN BATHROOM. Chuck looks effing hot in this scene. There's something wrong with his level of perfection. It needs to be... violated:

"Serena: Chuck I’m serious. Are you done yet? This is my bathroom. It’s late and not to mention disgusting. (Serena bangs on the door) Chuck! (Serena walks into the bathroom) What are you doing?
Chuck is sitting next to the sink looking like a total effer, joint placed firmly in his
mouth. He looks towards the shower.
Chuck: Alright ladies, my sister needs to shower. Make room.
Serena looks around and realises that there are in fact no ‘ladies’ in the room.
Chuck: I’m just messing with you.
Serena: I can’t believe you just lit up in my bathroom.
Chuck: Well if I lit up in mine then the folks would know it was me, sis.
Serena: Oh, Ok. Let’s get one thing straight. Our parents may be insisting on blending our households, but I am not your sister. I do not share any of your DNA, nor do I ever wish to.
Chuck: Then I suggest you get new hand towels. (Possibly the best Chuck retort ever? I think so).
Serena pulls grossed out face.
Serena: Ok. It’s imperative that I bathe. Can you just get out! You know what? Fine, just forget it.

Serena throws Chuck’s spliff into the sink. Chuck picks up spliff and continues as he was."

Awesome, and it's not long before we get more Chucky-S goodness with some Eric, Bart and Lily thrown in for good measure:

"Serena: What are you doing?
Eric: I’m hiding from my valet. He wanted to put my socks on for me this morning.
Serena laughs.
Eric: (to Chuck) Your servants are very attentive.
Chuck: You should meet Brigitta, the new Latvian maid.
Serena: No. No, no he should not meet Brigitta. He’s 14. (to Eric) Avoid this person.
Chuck: May I remind you Serena that you used to have a sense of humour?
Serena: No.
Chuck: Morning father.
Bart: Morning kids.
Serena: Morning.
Chuck: (takes Lily’s hand and kisses it) And how is Lily von Bulow today?
Lily: Oh. I have had the worst headache. I had a very frustrating conversation with the wedding planner this morning.
Chuck: Well may I say aggravation becomes you.
Lily: You may, but I won’t believe it.
Serena rolls her eyes.
Lily: So, first day back at school huh? Honey you didn’t want to, uh, shower?
Serena looks at Chuck pissed, Chuck sniggers.
Serena: I have to go meet Blair. Eric?
Chuck: (to Serena) Go ahead. (to Eric) We’ll take the limo.
Eric shrugs at Serena and looks at Chuck longingly.
Bart: (to Chuck) As my best man I expect you to keep things smooth until the wedding. Chuck: Best man? Um, I’d be honoured sir. (Chuck makes a toast) To family."

Throughout the course of the episode Serena receives several mysterious deliveries, beginning with some porn and handcuffs. Classy. And for some reason she assumes it's Chuck. Whatever happened to innocent until proven guilty? But let's be serious for a second, I think if we were in Serena's situation we would all assume it was Chuck. However, I (and hopefully you) would not react in the same manner as Serena. I mean it's only a joke, and I think the gesture shows Chuck cares in his own pervy and slightly creepy way. Plus I'm kinda into...er...um... presents. But I, and anyone else who has access to the Internet, will have known before this episode aired that it is in fact the mysterious 'G' and not the for-once-innocent Chuck, so this whole story arc was ruined for me as I watched and found myself shouting at the screen, "It's not Chuck. IT'S NOT CHUCK!". This whole spoiler issue is discussed more fully later. Eventually, Bart throws Chuck out of the family house convinced that Chuck is sending the packages, and later we have a scene when Serena confronts Chuck after she thinks he's sent her some coke (we're not talking about the type with the saccharine Santa Christmas ads either), using Eric as a courier, and this time Chuck does not grin and say "Chichi get the llello". Instead we see a hurt Chuck who announces that because of Serena he's been thrown out, and no, he is not the one who sent her the coke, or in fact any of the packages. Poor, poor Chuck. Serena is not swayed and I think we see a particularly cruel side to Serena as she explains to Chuck that he has no friends, girlfriend, or even a father who trusts him because...he's...well Chuck. It's Ok Chuck, I love you.

However, it's not long until Serena receives another delivery. This time it's simply a note that reads "S, Hope you like your presents! Coming back to town. Love, G". Serena realises that Chuck was innocent all along and turns up on Chuck's doorstep. When Chuck reads the note from G it seems that he knows who 'G' is. And, more importantly, he looks scared. If Chuck is scared of/by someone, then you should be scared. In fact, scrap that, the 8 billion people that inhabit this earth should be afraid. They should be very afraid. I know I am. Forget about Osama, G is the real threat. Time to switch to DEF CON 1. Also I love how Chuck offers Serena a drink at the end and she accepts. Really? Accepting a drink made by Chuck. I mean that's just asking for rape, er...I mean trouble, and Serena you of all people should know by now that:

Scarfless Chuck + Being alone with Chuck + Having a drink = Chape-time

God Serena, maybe you and Nate would make a good couple. Hopefully we'll see Serena developing a bit of a friendship with Chuck, and maybe even some trusting feelings, after all, according to Blake Lively, Serena and Chuck used to be good friends.

Other awesome things not yet mentioned about "The Blair Bitch Project":

1. In the 2 final scenes that Chuck features in he's wearing what I would normally regard as an affront to fashion and all of cardigan-kind. It's a cardi with some kind of shark or maybe dolphin print on it. I mean, as illustrated in my last post, Chuck wears some pretty outrageous outfits with some rather questionable prints (the basketball ensemble, anyone?) but the complete absurdity and undeniable originality of his outfits means that they work...on Chuck at least. However, here I thought that Chuck had really let me down, and after all the praise I had lavished on him and his fashion sense in my last post. But wait...on my second viewing - as research for this blog of course, I am a professional - I realised they're not sharks, they're not even dolphins...could this be?...no...no it's just simply not possible...but they are...they're BASS. Chuck Bass wearing a cardigan covered in bass - so tacky that it's awesome. Pure, unequivocal genius. Need I say more? And here it is, I hope that you too are wiping a tear away from your eyes as you gaze at this masterful creation:

Wow. I mean... Wow. I salute you Sir Bass.

2. Yes, (sigh) it's another Chuck outfit. Part of me feels like I should apologise. But another part of me feels like, why should I? This is my effing blog. I'm speechless when I look at this outfit and we all know by now that the words Chuck, outfit and subtle should never be used in the same sentence. But the truly worrying thing is I've become so acclimatised to Chuck's partiality to, shall I say, eccentric clothing (Ok... blantantly gay fashion statements) that the outfit only really caught my eye when Chuck sat next to Eric on the couch. I mean, look at Eric and his suit...and then look at Chuck. The man looks like a raging homosexual what with the swirly-patterned bowtie, the stripy shirt, the blue/purple suit, and those matching suede shoes which could almost be slippers. And if you were still unsure as to the sexual orientation of the ensemble, a pink handkerchief is thrown in for good measure. If Chuck had worn this outfit 60 years ago he would have been arrested immediately, thrown into jail without trial, and - in all likelihood - eventually hanged. Also, note that at no time in the whole episode does Chuck wear this ensemble outside. And I'm glad. I don't want Chuck to die due to a case of mistaken sexual orientation and neither does Chuck I think. In fact, I don't want Chuck to die, full stop. Or leave Tv, ever. And if the show does ever go off air I will kidnap Ed Westwick, hole him up in my basement and force him to act like Chuck 24/7 365 days a year for my amusement, and for his meals. I would also make him... nevermind.

3. Moving on. I completely loved how Lily defended Chuck to Serena by saying, "Chuck may be eccentric, but I doubt he's diabolical.", (dear, naive Lily) and then Bart Bass interrupted quicker than you can say 'poor, misunderstood Chuck' with "What's he done now?". At this point I really did feel sorry for Chuck, but I guess Chuck's got no-one to blame except himself and the many accompanying years of mischief-making that come with all that is the wonderment of Chuck Bass. I too loved that Eric seems to adore Chuck and when Serena seems angry and perplexed at Eric's love of Chuck he explains, "Chuck is fun. Ok? He's cool to me and he doesn't treat me like some freak who just got out of the Ostroff center." There's no arguing with that. Chuck is fun. If I were a guy I'd love to have a friend like Chuck, and going out, partying...etc with him would be incredible. I imagine he'd be just like Colin Farrell during his awesome 'bad-boy' Irish rogue days. But as a girl...well I'd probably still love hanging out with Chuck as long as I had my rape alarm ready at hand. You know, just in case. But more on Eric and Chuck. I love how Eric turns a cold shoulder to Serena after she gets Chuck kicked out by an enraged Bart. And for anyone who doesn't know yet, Eric has been confirmed as the gay character after Kelly Rutherford let it slip in an interview. How predictable. Nevertheless, it should be interesting, especially with Chuck around.

4. Other awesome Chuck quotes from the episode:

"Lily: Oh, don't put your dirty package on the table.

Chuck: If I had a dime for everytime I heard that."

It's funny, but nowhere near as funny as the hand towel comment.

"I say we take the jet to Croatia, where young Eric here can explore the lesser age of consent." Like I said, Chuck = most awesome brother/friend ever.

"I didn't send Serena that package. And quite frankly her violated virgin Mary act is getting pretty old."

I completely concur with Chuck here. Serena's always acting all innocent and pure, but from the flashback of her and Nate getting it on, and the various other suggestions about her past, we know that this is simply not so.

"No need Princess. Bart already kicked me out."
I'm not sure if this one deserves to be on the list, but I just love how he calls Serena 'Princess'. I also love how Chuck calls his dad 'Bart' when he's not around, but 'father' and even 'Sir' when he is.

Other not so awesome things not yet mentioned about "The Blair Bitch Project":

1. At the end, all is forgiven when Jenny shows up to Butter with Nate in tow because, of course, Penelope has like totally had a huge crush on Nate for-like-ever. So, the fact that Jenny stole her supposed friend Hazel's mother's dress - worth $15,000 - then pretended to know nothing about it whilst fully aware one of the maids was gonna get the boot because of her actions, and then when caught red-handed lied again, is inconsequential now? Makes sense, it's not like Penelope can just go up to Nate and talk to him at school. It just seems a bit far-fetched, but then I guess it's the Upper East Side where anything goes.

2. Chace Crawford. I know I've mentioned this before, but I feel he's really underused as Nate. If you've ever seen him interviewed he seems funny, charming and charismatic, but none of this comes across in his role as Nate, and I don't think it's Chace's fault. But maybe that's just this episode, after all we have Nate and Vanessa to look forward to. I shall say no more on this subject. To see an awesome Chace-Ed interview click here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jv2nuf_vFCw

I'd just like to say that the interviewer here is a complete narc. Not only does he call Ed Westwick, Ed Westwork, he also calls Ed Chuck at one point. Moreover, he effs up most of his questions which he simply has to read from a card (someone in the comments section called him a 'pleb' - I completely agree), and at one point actually asks Ed if he was 'in Blair' at the end of the Victor/Victrola episode, much to the amusement of Chace, Ed and most of those that have left comments. However, I would like to add that I often love crappy interviewers because you get to see those they interview in a completely different light - often with humorous consequences - and as a result such interviews are rare gems. Case in point this Tim Burton/Johnny Depp interview for the promotion of Sweeney Todd:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TG6_gmdlikQ

10 decades. Haha. Narc. I love Johnny. Tim's pretty awesome too. And yes, we are on first name terms.

3. Don't get me wrong I loved some of the little touches with the surprise Jenny loft Birthday Party suspiciously thrown by Blair with the help of Jenny's hot, hot dad Rufus. Such amusing touches included the B-day cake with Jenny's photo-face as icing, the rice-crispy snacks, the metallic party hats, the cut-out birthday signs...I could go on. However, is Rufus so out of touch that he didn't realise that it was going to be a seriously lame ass B-day party? I'm not even sure if the party would have been appropriate for my 11 year old cousin - and she still watches Sesame Street.

4. Georgina Sparks = the mysterious 'G', and the person who plays Georgina = Michelle Trachtenberg = Dawn from Buffy. Ok, this is not so much a complaint about the show, than about the accidental 'leaks' and spoilers that I keep stumbling upon on the internet. I mean I honestly don't want to know what happens before I see a new episode, but there are just so many spoilers out there on the internet that it's hard to avoid them. I'm checking out celeb gossip websites, and there it is. I go to a search engine and type in 'Gossip Girl' and there it is. If I have time I might check out imdb, oh wait...there it is. Sure, you could argue that I could just avert my gaze when the title has 'spoiler' or something in it, but it's just too tempting for the weak-minded such as myself. For example, if you left Chuck in a room with a naked female freshman do you think he would:

a)Turn his back on the young lady and politely ask her to put her clothes back. Or...

b)Politely (or perhaps not so politely) ask the young lady to bend over and assume the position.

My point exactly.

5. Who the hell is the douchebag standing next to Chuck in these screencaps from the episode? I don't think Chuck would ever stand-next to/associate with someone as nerdy looking as this, even if they are loaded. How effing unrealistic.

Other random Gossip Girl stuff:

1. Chuck Bass' (or I guess Ed Westwick's) face - actually this reminds me of when I went to see comedian Jimmy Carr live. He was talking about how throughout the day people had recognised him and had come up to speak to him. One guy said, "Are you Jimmy Carr, or do you just look like him?" Jimmy's reply: Both. There was another hilarious joke about viagra and children, but I really don't think I can repeat it here...

But back to the issue at hand. As I think was made clear in my first post, when I first saw the cast I immediately thought Nate/Chace was the most attractive guy on the show, but it wasn't long till I changed my mind. Sure, part of it was the Chuck charm, charisma and the whole bad-boy image. Sure, another important factor was Chuck's sexy mannerisms and low voice, and the fact that he's quite clearly the best kisser on the show. But I also fell in love with his face. I can't pin-point the exact moment, I don't even know if there was a moment, and I'm also aware that I sound like some awful fangirl. His face is odd. I don't mean that in a bad way, it's just that I don't think I've ever seen a face quite like his. If someone asked me to tell them why I like his face so much I honestly don't know how I'd answer. But I'm gonna try now. First off I think that the spacing of his features is better than Nate's. Nate has beautiful eyes, but what a friend mentioned to me and then I agreed with upon further inspection is that they seem to be too close together, and in fact all his features are almost 'elven' - he should have been in Lord of the Rings. There's no denying that Nate's hot, but Chuck's face kinda looks like he should be in some kind of Greek or Roman epic complete with a toga and laurel wreath - and I guess I think that's kinda hotter than an elf.

I shall now stop with the Nate/Chuck comparisons, cos they're both hot in their own right, but I will add this. I always assumed that gay guys would go for Nate, but since I've been back at Uni my gay friends all assure me it's Chuck all the way, and that their gay friends feel the same. Apparently Chuck has a bit of a gay fan club going on, and perhaps I have gay taste (according to them). What they also said was that they thought Chuck Bass was a 'put it anywhere' type of guy, but I'm not so sure. I think it may just be wishful thinking on their part. Please note: my Greek analogy seems pretty appropriate right now.

So what else do I like about Chuck's face? He has great colouring (and looks good when pale or slightly tanned), great cheekbones, and I like his eyebrows; they're thick, but not too thick and are a good shape. I also like his quasi-oriental brown/hazel eyes; they're pretty, but also kinda intense. Next up his lips; they're full and have good colour, and now to his hair. The way that his hair is styled/cut affects how his face looks immensely. I think I prefer it shortish, but not too short, or maybe long, I don't know. What I do know is that I like it fairly even because then you can see more of his forehead which balances out his face and in particular his...nose. About his nose, from his profile you can see that it's perfectly straight, but depending on what angle you look at it can go from looking bulbous, to thin...etc. I'm not complaining, in fact I think it makes his face more interesting. The first thing that one of my best friends said about Chuck when I saw her back at Uni was that he has a great nose. And I think that's the thing about Chuck's face. I've seen all the episodes, most more than once, and I still can't decipher his face, it's just so interesting, changeable, and different that I could look at it all day. It's how the strong angles, manly jaw, but also the more feminine features work together to give his incredible, and strangely attractive face. It just works, imperfections and all. Hollywood take note, perfection is so last year (I think I'm gonna write an article on Hollywood and the emphasis on looks soon). Also I have read on many blogs that Ed is much better looking in real-life than on GG, so there. In conclusion, I WOULD DEFINITELY HIT THAT.

2. The Gossip Girl Promos. Over-sexed? Yes. There's no denying that promos were, well I wouldn't say explicit, but highly sexual yes. According to the promos the only thing the show has to offer is sex, whereas as those of us who watch it know that in fact there is much, much more to the show. I would like to clarify that I'm not defending the somewhat extreme, and perhaps to some desperate, marketing ploy that the Gossip Girl marketeers resorted to, but I am shocked by the level of attention it has received in the media. The thing is we are surrounded by sex so much in our everyday lives that it seems strange to me when the issue is raised in such a passionate manner. Of course, it appears worse because GG is supposedly for young teens, but as I have mentioned before, I really don't think that is the real core demographic for the series (I would say probably 16+), and one would have to be truly naive to think that they too are not surrounded by sex. Let's take movies and Tv as a given. They are surrounded by sex at school, in the playground (if such a thing still exists), on the radio, in teen magazines, and adverts for pretty much anything including razors, shampoo, furniture...you name it. Plus, I really don't think it's fair that the blame is shoved onto one Tv show. I can think of few if any Tv dramas that haven't at one time used sex as a ploy to attract viewers. Sex sells, and unless there is a fundamental change in society and the way sex is portrayed in the media, I don't think that's ever going to change.

3. The Parent Television Council. I guess this could be lumped in with the above section, but I think it warrants it's own section. I have of course already discussed the promos, but this is what the 'council' has to say about them:

The “sexually suggestive photo showing a teenage boy kissing a girl’s cleavage” in the ads, as well as the use of the phrase “OMFG,” is much too much for PTC. The whole campaign is just a “deliberate use of profanity and sexual imagery to exploit and further corrupt young viewers, and has warned its members about the show and the new ad campaign.”

And what does the council have to say about the show itself? I'll give you a clue, it's not that it's being recommended as a must-see Tv show at bible-study classes around the country:

It’s “the most-watched show among girls 12-17 and glamorizes casual sex and drug use among teens. Storylines have featured a would-be teen rapist, threesome among teens, and teenage girls having sex with adults.”

Some remarks, by me:

a. So in terms of problems with the actual show, the problem according to the PTC is basically... Chuck. Would-be teen rapist: Check. Threesome among teens: Check. Has casual sex: Check. Drug-use: Check. Interesting.

b. I don't think the show really glamorises the use of drugs in any way. I mean Dan is considered the moral centre of the show, and he never dabbles in narcotics of any kind (though I heard he took an aspirin once).

c. I don't think the show glamorises casual sex either. I think Chuck is the only character who really indulges in this (and I suppose Serena in her past), but the show doesn't really seem to take any position on sex, not like The O.C. did anyway.

d. Most watched show among girls 12-17. Is this really true? I am not suggesting that the holy council has lied in anyway, heaven forbid, but I find this difficult to believe because the network ratings are not that great, and even when considering itunes downloads, tivo statistics...etc it just doesn't seem to be that huge a show. In fact as one ratings analyst put it, if you take all the facts and figures into account, it's really more of a cult show.

e. Have I missed something? I don't remember any teenage girl having sex with an adult on GG. And if I have someone please email me the episode because, baby, I'm gonna want to watch it.

4. The New York Magazine Cover. I really like this cover – its sexual and amazing and ... white, plus as my best friend (and fellow blogger) pointed out it looks like Chuck is not only feeling up Blair, but Nate as well which just adds to its awesomeness. But ‘Best TV Show Ever!’ - there, ladies and gentlemen, is what is commonly known as an 'overstatement'. Sure at the bottom of the cover it says in font size 6 writing "Not really, but there's a lot to be said for it.", but still it seems a little over the top. Also does it strike anyone as a tad odd that Taylor Momsen (aka Jenny) - who is only 14 - is pictured in her underwear, whilst Blake Lively (aka Serena) - who is 2o - is pictured in a dress? It's just a little wrong. One more criticism and then I'm done, I promise; is it just me or does Penn Badgley have breasts? Critiscisms aside, Ed and Leighton look incredibly hot, as does Chace, and Blake's body is pretty slammin', and yes, I've got it hanging on my wall. I just hope that Penn was considerate enough to avoid baked beans for at least 24 hours prior to the shoot, because otherwise poor, poor Jessica (aka Vanessa).

Xoxo

Disclaimer: My fellow blogger and I would just like to reiterate that we DO NOT CONDONE RAPE. Nor do we condone casual sex, drugs, excessive/underage drinking...etc. Also please take this and any other articles you made read with a pinch of salt – we often use exaggeration for effect and frequently offend people of many different races, classes, religions…etc.